Your Tango contributor Rick Clemons recently posted an article dictating seven pros and seven pitfalls he’s observed that come with dating a man who is newly-out. Overall it was an observant and amusing post, with several of the points describing a few people I know to a T when they first came out.
However, I noticed there were a lot that contradicted one another, such as the suggestion (a pro) that a newly-out gay man would be more relationship oriented if he had previously been married for any amount of time. But then one of his pitfalls was that newly-out gay men tend to have a “kid in a candy store” mentality, making their commitment to one guy unpredictable. Many of them had a similar message as well. Pro: Newly-out guys are now committed to their new life, which can spill over into how they view relationships. Con: They’re not emotionally ready for a relationship. And my personal favorite—Pro: If you want a family, they might already have kids. Con: They might have kids.
Basically, the article didn’t exactly paint the picture of dating a newly-out guy to be a worthwhile experience.
There was a redeeming point, however, and it was oddly the only one that seemed agreed upon as a pro with no downfall. They argued that someone newly-out is likely to be extremely enthusiastic about experiencing everything they had missed out on when pretending to be someone they’re not. Instead of hiding their true self, they’re now free to embrace the lifestyle they’ve always wanted. While this is a great and liberating moment for them, the side effects can be great for the person they’re dating. Men with this mentality are significantly more open to and actively seek out new experiences—especially behind closed doors.
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