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DEAR DIDA RITZ: Girl, Step Into My Office.

Bitch You Tried It

DEAR DIDA RITZ: Girl, Step Into My Office.

@RuPaulsDragRace is just about half-way through this season and as much as I’ve wanted to have a heart to heart with sister girl Dida Ritz, seems like my blog buddy AT Fierce (click his name to check out his site) has beat me to it. RuPaul said “everything tastes better on a Dida Ritz” … but I think she needs to get her own taste together first. Here is AT Fierce’s open letter to Dida Ritz, proceed with caution:

DEAR DIDA RITZ:

Let me start off by saying that you are doing a wonderful job on Drag Race. Your “lip sync for your life” was the best in Drag Race history. I even go to it every now and then on the Internet and watch it to get all the life I need for the day. I LIVED. Your performances are fierce and unstoppable, your walk if sickening and vivacious, and your personality sits on majority of your

competition. I really adore you a lot. I may not be rooting for you to win, but I’m definitely rooting for you to at least get into the top 4. I said all this to show that the subject of this letter is coming from a friendly place. No tea, no shade.

Even though I really like you, I just have to ask, “What is with your wig choices?” Ever since the first episode there’s been completely no fucks given to what you sit on top of your head. The premiere episode was the worst of the hair tragedies. You premiered with the blondest, driest, and stringiest of weaves I’ve ever seen and had a nerve to call it your “Beyonce wig.” That was

very disrespectful to my queen. How dare you for that blasphemy? It shocked the hell out of me because I know girls from the block who take better pride in their hair, and they sacrifice rent, food, and pampers to do so.

The episode where you went to jail was just as bad. I knew you were playing a middle-aged woman, but that fact that you actually had that wig in your collection… ma’am, please do better. You reminded me of Nene Leakes from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, just with a stiffer headpiece that Hurricane Katrina couldn’t blow off.

And then the wig you wore during your “lip-sync for your life”… you should’ve, instead, been singing for your wig’s life, because it needs every prayer this world has to offer. It needs prayer for growth, nourishment, courage, and strength. Your wigs need every one of God’s blessings to be bestowed upon it. I pray every night your wigs will get better, but you seem to always disappoint. Jesus did NOT die for that sin. And let’s talk about Snatch Game. You played Wendy Williams, a drag sister known for her wigs that make Lil Kim’s and Brandy’s lacefronts stand on end. Your interpretation of Wendy’s wig obviously was made of the hairs found in her wig brush. You should be sued for defamation of character.”

I did my research to make sure you hadn’t been wearing these atrocities after the show. I came across some good pics, like the one above. But then I was reminded of how terrible your wigs once were with a performance video of you from last summer. Let’s analyze it, shall we?

I’ll compliment you on your stance, moves, and presence. You command a stage! And you’re obviously a Beyonce stan, but stop comparing your wigs to hers. Hers are made of unicorn tail hair and golden sunshine from the light of breaking dawn. Yours are made of the wool from the nearest part of a sheep’s ass and the dingy yellow on a cummed stain sock. But now, let’s get to the wig in this video.

Firstly, it’s dry. Why? Is it because it’s synthetic? I thought synthetic hair was plasticy and therefore shiny. But if it is human, what is keeping you from putting some water or oil sheen to it? Do you leave in a dry/desert climate? Is there a depletion of hair oils and wig rejuvenators where you come from? Secondly, it’s stringy. It reminds me of straw from the same farm where the sheep who you scalped lives. Do you not want to brush your wig in fear that the strands will be pulled out? Does not having any oil to moisturize it also keep you from detangling those near locs you’re developing? Thirdly, during your hair whips – that I LIVED for – I could see your kitchen. Ma’am, your real hair, which happens to be darker, is as dry as the wigs you wear. No wonder you went on RuPaul’s Drag Race bald. You must not know how to take care of hair in any form.

You are a drag queen of high caliber. I will not take that away from you. RuPaul selected YOU out of thousands of applicants to represent the fabulous children of America. You obviously caught her eye for a reason, but your wigs are an eyesore. And sometimes, so are your outfits, but this letter is about your hair. I’ve never seen a drag queen that gave no love to the hair she chose to eat the competition with. I’m surprise clubs allow you to perform. How do you make money? It must not be a lot because your wigs suggest that.

I hope you made great friends at RuPaul’s Drag Race, because I want you to go wig shopping with them so they can show you better choices than the ones you’ve presented us on the show. Phi Phi makes good hair choices, and in a video I saw of Jiggly and she in Chicago, Phi Phi picked out a great wig for her. Maybe look up some YouTube videos on how to care of natural and synthetic hair, because you’re starving yours of nutrition and attention. I’m so concerned.

Best of luck on the show. I hope to maybe interview you for my site or at least get to see you perform once this season is over. Stay Sweet, girl, and take care of that hair.

Fierce & Love,

AT

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  1. Pingback: WATCH: RuPaul’s Drag Race & Untucked [Season 4 Episode 6] – RONALDMATTERS.COM

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