Your Tango contributor Rick Clemons recently posted an article dictating seven pros and seven pitfalls he’s observed that come with dating a man who is newly-out. Overall it was an observant and amusing post, with several of the points describing a few people I know to a T when they first came out.
However, I noticed there were a lot that contradicted one another, such as the suggestion (a pro) that a newly-out gay man would be more relationship oriented if he had previously been married for any amount of time. But then one of his pitfalls was that newly-out gay men tend to have a “kid in a candy store” mentality, making their commitment to one guy unpredictable. Many of them had a similar message as well. Pro: Newly-out guys are now committed to their new life, which can spill over into how they view relationships. Con: They’re not emotionally ready for a relationship. And my personal favorite—Pro: If you want a family, they might already have kids. Con: They might have kids.
Basically, the article didn’t exactly paint the picture of dating a newly-out guy to be a worthwhile experience.
There was a redeeming point, however, and it was oddly the only one that seemed agreed upon as a pro with no downfall. They argued that someone newly-out is likely to be extremely enthusiastic about experiencing everything they had missed out on when pretending to be someone they’re not. Instead of hiding their true self, they’re now free to embrace the lifestyle they’ve always wanted. While this is a great and liberating moment for them, the side effects can be great for the person they’re dating. Men with this mentality are significantly more open to and actively seek out new experiences—especially behind closed doors.
As every man who leaves the closet knows, repressing all of your sexual desires for years (if not decades) creates a lot of pent-up energy. And what a better place to release that than with a partner?
Along with just good ol’ fashion sex, Adam and Eve points out there are tons of toys out there for men that a newly-out partner likely hasn’t been able to experiment with. Additionally, they note that it can be especially great for those who haven’t experienced the pleasure of prostate/anal stimulation orgasms. Depending on how experienced they are with anal penetration, an anal plug or small set of anal beads (with plenty of lube!) is a great way to ease them to it. As they become more comfortable, then you can get to the fun products like prostate massagers.
The sex alone was listed as the number one reason of why “It’s Better to Be Gay,” according to an article on Queerty. With how they describe gay sex, it’s no wonder that being with a man finally able to experience it can lead to some intense sessions between the sheets. Also, the benefit of the second reason is usually synonymous with the first—being open minded, to everyone and everything.
Clemons may not think there’s a lot to gain from dating a newly-out man, but someone’s gotta do it right?
Have you found that newly-out men are really more fun in the sack?
How did it rate compared to those with more experience?